Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
