i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
