WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
