i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize