I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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