is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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