I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
