To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
