nut hugger
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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