that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
