we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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