remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
