I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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