So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize