So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
