Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize