She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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