Barsexuality is the new black.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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