first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
