I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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