There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
