Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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