I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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