wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My bed smells like the plague
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
