So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
