What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
