there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
