So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
