i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
