i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
