FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
