took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
