when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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