did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
