I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Please don't give away my fajitas
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
