i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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