ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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