That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
