I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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