So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
