so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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