she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I hope mine doesn't look like that
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
