Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
