He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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