honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
