Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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