paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
