all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Actions speak louder than pants.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Success! We fucked roommates!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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