You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
