Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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