Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
