we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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