Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
