just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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