No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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