I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
