Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
