So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
