my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
