You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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