honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
