it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
