when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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