We're like a lot better than the average bears
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
