apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
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I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
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I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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