I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
