hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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