Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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